Straight answers about the test

Should I stay or should I go — FAQ

The questions people actually ask before they take it, answered without the runaround.

How long does the test take?

About ten minutes. Twenty-nine questions across four phases — safety, why you're asking, six relationship dimensions, and an honest pulse — each one a specific situation rather than a "rate your love" slider.

Is this actually based on anything, or is it just a vibe?

It's built on the markers couples therapists actually watch for: Gottman's Four Horsemen (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling), attachment patterns, and how a couple handles conflict and repair. It's not a peer-reviewed instrument and won't pretend to be. Think of it as a structured way to see what you might already half-know.

What does the test tell me at the end — does it just say stay or go?

No, and that's deliberate. It doesn't add up points and spit out a stay-or-leave command. It reads the patterns you're describing and points you toward a direction with a recommended next step — couples therapy, individual work, discernment counseling, holding steady through a rough patch, or the honest acknowledgment that you may already know. That last call is still yours. The test just makes it harder to keep not-looking.

Should I stay or go in my relationship?

No quiz can answer that for you, and anyone who says theirs can is selling something. What this does is name the patterns — contempt, withdrawal, the slow erosion of respect — then show you which ones are present and how loud. The decision is still yours. The test just makes it harder to keep not-looking.

Can I take it if my partner won't?

Yes. It reads your experience of the relationship, not a joint score. One honest perspective is enough to learn something real.

Do you store my answers?

No. Nothing is saved to a server. Your in-progress answers live in your own browser so a reload doesn't lose your place, and you can wipe them anytime. No account, no email, no payment. (More in the privacy note.)

Is this a substitute for therapy or couples counseling?

No, and please don't treat it as one. It's a self-reflection tool. If you're dealing with abuse, fear for your safety, or anything that needs a professional, the results page points you to real resources. Use them.

What are the Four Horsemen?

A Gottman term for the four communication patterns that most reliably predict a relationship falling apart: criticism (attacking character, not behavior), contempt (mockery, eye-rolling, disgust), defensiveness (deflecting blame), and stonewalling (shutting down and tuning out). Contempt is the loudest warning sign of the four. The glossary breaks each one down.

What if the read points away from the relationship but I'm not ready to leave?

That's fine. A read is information, not a deadline. If the signals lean toward incompatibility, it means the pattern is a hard one to reverse — not that you have to act tonight, and not that it overrides what you know about your own life. Sit with it. Take it again in a month. Talk to someone.