The test scores six dimensions and borrows a handful of terms from relationship research. Here's what they actually mean, in plain language.
- Contempt
- Treating your partner as beneath you: sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, name-calling. Of all the warning signs, this is the one researchers tie most strongly to relationships ending, because it communicates disgust, not just anger.
- Criticism
- Going after who your partner is instead of what they did. "You forgot the bins" is a complaint. "You never think about anyone but yourself" is criticism. The first is fixable. The second puts the whole person on trial.
- Defensiveness
- Meeting a complaint with a counter-complaint or an excuse instead of taking any of it in. It's a way of saying "the problem isn't me," and it usually pours fuel on the fire.
- Stonewalling
- Going silent, shutting down, walking out mid-conversation. Often it's a response to feeling flooded, but to the other person it reads as a wall.
- Flooding
- Being so overwhelmed in a fight that you can't think straight: heart racing, mind blank. It's why some arguments can't be won in the moment. The body has already checked out.
- The Four Horsemen
- Gottman's name for the four patterns above (contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling) that together most reliably predict a split.
- Bid for connection
- A small reach for attention: a comment, a touch, "hey, look at this." How often a partner turns toward those bids instead of ignoring them quietly predicts a lot.
- Repair attempt
- Any move to de-escalate mid-fight: a joke, an apology, a hand on the arm. Couples who make and accept repairs survive conflict that sinks couples who don't.
- Attachment style
- The pattern you bring to closeness, usually shaped early. Secure means comfortable with both intimacy and space; anxious fears distance and seeks reassurance; avoidant values independence and retreats under pressure. Two styles can clash without either person being wrong.
- Gridlock
- A conflict you keep having and never resolve, usually because it sits on top of something deeper that hasn't been named out loud.